"Life is hard sometimes! No matter who you are, life takes turns that are unexpected and challenging. A lot of energy gets put into things like dealing with a move, a job change, making ends meet, kids’ challenges at school, and more. Not a lot of time is left for love.
Robert Sternberg, a Yale University psychologist, pioneered the development of this triangular model of love, with the sides: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
The first side of the triangle is Passion. Dr. Parrott called passion the motivational side. It's the spine-tingling sensation that moves us toward romance. Passion is sensual and sexual and characterized by the intense desire for physical affection.
The second side is Intimacy. This is the emotional side, and love can’t survive without it. It’s about really knowing the other person. I think this aspect of love is the most misunderstood of all. Intimacy has a “best friend” quality. It’s the sense of holding nothing back from each other and trusting one another with personal secrets. Intimacy is about closeness and acceptance.
The base of the triangle is Commitment. It is the cognitive side of the love triangle. Commitment looks toward the unsee-able future and promises to be there! Commitment creates an island of certainty in life’s swirling waters. Commitment says, “I love you because you are you, not based on how I feel about you or the relationship.”
Armed with this knowledge, how do you do a quick PIC (passion, intimacy, commitment) assessment of your relationship? On a piece of paper – or a napkin – draw a simple L-shaped graph. Along the bottom line, write the letters, P I C. Along the vertical line, write 10 on top and 0 on the bottom.
10 ||
|
0 |_________
P I C
Now rate the 3 areas in your relationship. How’s passion today? What is intimacy looking like? Where are we on commitment? Each of you should do this and then begin a conversation about what can be done to improve the areas that need a boost."
from: families northwest
